Don't be what you isn't
Just be what you is
Cos if you're what you isn't
You isn't what you is
             unknown -- remembered from my childhood days in Schenectady

"BE"

The foundation for all doing is conscious being. That's the important realization about the question "what about manifesting?" Before we talk about manifesting, before we build some new building or structure, get the foundation first. Do you have the foundation? Don't start building a house without a foundation.
                                                                                                                                           Eckhart Tolle

I must "BE"
         crimsonflames

Down Five

I've lost 5 lbs.   I wish it were more but I must celebrate the five.  At least I am going in the right direction.  Just have it to keep it going....down.

I miss having wine every night.  I have been trying not to drink when I am at home.  I don't need the calories or the metabolism slow-down, but oh, how I miss getting home from work, getting into my sloppy clothes/pjs and then pouring myself a glass of red.  I enjoy choosing my glass. I love the sound the liquid makes when it's being poured ... "glip glip glip".  The color and all its shades of reds and purples sparks my whimsy.  The nose springs my senses into the action. And the explosion of many tastes on my tongue is what I love most.  I really miss haivng wine every night.  I obviously have plenty of whine.

Signifantly Over-Qualified?

I hate the process of resume building, cover letter writing and job searching.  I am becoming a very adept user of monster.com, craigslist and usajobs.gov.  It’s embarrassing at times when I force myself to mention to my various contacts the fact that I am looking and ask if they would share any positions they may become aware of.  (What the hell, it’s my blog and I can end a sentence with a preposition if I want to.)  I am feeling extremely stressed and crazed.  I hate being overwhelmed and feeling I may not get to where I want to go.  It doesn’t help that I am still not sure where it is I want to go.  I thought once I began to send out my resume and actually apply for work that I would feel more relaxed -- feel like I was moving forward.  Not so much.  Trying to choose which positions to apply for is taxing.  After weeks of working on this endeavor, I finally sent my resume out in application of a position I thought I was perfect for.  They sent me a very nice email congratulating me on my accomplishments and that they would love to have someone with my expertise working for them but unfortunately I am "significantly over-qualified." Huh? I don’t understand.  Is that the professional way to say thanks but no thanks?  I don’t get it.  If they think I am more than qualified, why not give me an interview.  Do they only interview those with exact or less qualifications?  I have been sighing all day following reading that email.  Not even an interview.  I am so disappointed, rejection sucks no matter what the reason.

who knew it was so hard?

I have to give the Goddess of Color, Salarina a big hand.  Who knew that keeping up with a blog was so hard?  I knew it would be tough.  That's why I declared the goal of writing at least once a week.  But  I underestimated just how tough.  Salarina is a true and wonderful artist.  She blogs each day, usually along with posting a photo of her daily painting.  She has almost never missed a day in over a year.  She displays her beautiful art and shares personal notes of whimsy and wisdom. She makes a lot of things look easy.

Finding Self

Inspirational Quotes


'Knowing yourself goes far deeper than the adoption of a set of ideas or beliefs.  Spiritual ideas and beliefs may at best be helpful pointers, but in themselves they rarely have the power to dislodge the more firmly established core concepts of who you think you are, which is part of the conditioning of the human mind.”

“Have a look inside yourself.  What kind of thoughts is your mind producing?  What do you feel?  Direct your attention into the body.  Is there any tension?  Once you detect that there is a low level of unease, the background static, see in what way you are avoiding, resisting, or denying life – by denying the Now.”

 
           - Eckhart Tolle

Learning to Embrace the Unknown

I am living in fear.  I am afraid of the challenges ahead of me – afraid of failure. I will be out of work in less than three months.  I know I am lucky to have known my job would end ahead of time – I’ve known for eight months that it would be over at the end of the year.  But somehow, that has not made it any easier.  I have been doing what I do for 18 years.  True, I have done many other things in concert with this job over that time.  However, I have been working in my current full-time position solely for the past seven years or so.  This is what I know how to do. This is how I pay the bills and help pay for my mother’s meal plan, help my starving musician sons in LA get home for Christmas, be financially prepared when my oldest son gets married.  This job helps me do what I love to do – help others, both through work and outside of work. I am not sure who I will be if I am not in the position I am in now.  I am not sure I will able to be the wife, daughter, mother, sister or friend I have been.  I feel tired and wonder where the courage and energy will come from to assist me in new endeavors.  I hope there is something out there and I fear there may not be.

The majority of people in the world worry about feeding and sheltering themselves and their families. While I may not have always had an abundance, I have been blessed to always have enough -- food, clothing and shelter – even when I was a kid and my family hit bottom.  I’ve been there from a kid’s perspective and while some things did change forever, some things remained the same.  I know I will survive.  I have family and friends who love me.  That much probably won’t change unless I really srcrew up.  I know in the end it will be alright.  Yet, I am still afraid.  Over the past few weeks I have been spending more and more time trying to figure out how to embrace the unknown, the possibilities of the future.  I am trying to ready myself – body and mind. 

I have decided to give myself small achievable challenges to stoke my confidence.  

• 
  On the body side:
• My colleague Miguel and I joined Weightwatchers last week.  I have been there before and before that and before that.  I made it to lifetime member and hung on for four years but crap happened and I gained 10lbs with each episode over the past four years.  So now, I have 30 lbs to lose.  My goal is to lose at least two lbs. this week.  Weigh in is on Friday.
• 
  On the mind side:   
• Finally coming to terms with the job loss I have been working with a resume writer the past couple of weeks. The first time we met I had an anxiety attack and started getting severe chest pains.  The second meeting went much better.
• I joined a monthly writers’ workshop at our local art association
• I joined a bi-weekly art class that begins this Wednesday.
• I am listening to Cameron’s The Artist Way on CD.
• I take comfort in my relationships with my husband, my colleagues at work and my dear goddesses by the sea.
• I started this blog!

I know I must keep moving forward.  Baby steps have usally shown me the way to a full run.  I can do this!

Linnia

Goddess of Caretakers, Gardens, Grandchildren, Sailing and Yoga

Linnia's sister will passover soon.  She has brain cancer.  She has been unyielding in her fight to beat it and to live a normal life again – as a mother of three sons, a wife, a potter, a sister, friend, neighbor, artist and so much more. She is a remarkable woman. I know the struggle to survive each day is exhausting for her and I pray for her to find peace.

Linnia, in her forties, is the youngest goddess that gathers here by the sea, yet she has suffered many losses already – both of her parents and two of her siblings have passed.  I hope that the wisdom she gained through those losses will help her as she struggles through another. She is strong of mind, body and will.  She bubbles with energy.  She is a caretaker of all living things and in particular, her family. It is hard to watch my dear friend bear the pain of another loss. The goddesses have shared too many. It’s always my wish that I could take the pain from those I love. I think the hardest thing is to accept that I cannot.  As we sat in circle last night, musing, listening, laughing, crying and loving, one of the goddesses reminded us of philosopher and mystic Chardin’s quote, “We are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience."